It is always so indulgent for me to have a day stuck home due to snow. The dull brown winter landscape is made a bright and magical by the meditative flakes of white drifting slowly, monotonously to the ground. The is a precious silence that the snow brings. I relish the opportunity for stillness and quiet. The snow brings permission to just be.
This is a beautiful day, the day after Valentine's Day, to spend a little time caring for my precious being. As I have grown in this work, I have come to see more and more how our deep suffering so often arises out of patterns of self-rejection and abandonment. True freedom comes when we turn toward the parts of ourselves that we have rejected, and welcome them fully.
Yesterday's holiday offers a wonderful way to explore and practice this type of acceptance and love for our whole being. Most people carry an image in their minds of their perfect partner. This partner typically sees us as we want to be seen and loves us completely, no matter what. We are the best version of ourselves when we are with this partner, a version of ourselves that we did not even know before them.
The thing is, for many people, they often find that the rush of love isn't so much about the other person but who we are when we are with that person. Is it that we become someone else, someone new because of this perfect lover? It can feel that way, but the truth is, it is simply that we give ourselves permission to be these parts of ourselves when we are with this person. We are already this smart, this funny, this interesting and interested. We simply relax and allow ourselves to be what is already there. We choose to see ourselves as worthy and we become our best self. We love who we are and embody wholeness.
Do we really require that perfect person to come along and bring out our perfect being? Many people hope and dream for this, but the truth is, we do not need another in order to fall deeply in love with ourselves. We can embody this bright inner light regardless of our relationship status. We simply will want to be willing and curious about releasing the barriers to this precious light.
So, the practice is this: take some time for yourself this week. Explore this imagined perfect lover. Be curious about what the mind invents about how this person sees you, treats you, makes you feel. Who are you in their presence? What does s/he accept about you that you find unacceptable? Notice how this might compare to how you see you, to how you treat you, to how you make you feel.
If you can imagine this perfect lover, these thoughts, feelings, ways of being are already within you. What would it be like to give yourself permission to live from this place of wholeness and joy?
As a therapist, mother, daughter, partner, and seeker, I am always on the journey toward a more peaceful, authentic life. I hope to share knowledge, insights, and the ongoing unknowns I find along the path...