Eyes open. A moment of bed-warmth and coming-to. Like a flash in the mind, the list of "what needs to get done," sends a jolt and, like a good doer, you jump up. Not really time for that workout. Forgot the resolution to "start the day with some meditation," there's a lot to do for the spouse, the children, work, the house. No time to stop. Too much to do. Irritation. Frustration. If they would only cooperate. Sharp tongue. Yelling. In the car. Regret. Keep going. No time to stop.
We are all going through our day-to-day, moment-to-moment experience, largely reacting. We are reacting to what is around us. We are reacting to the meaning we make of what is around us. Reaction means we go with our first meaning which creates more experience, of which we make more meaning, and we react to that. Our whole day becomes a string of experience, meaning, reaction, and we feel that life is happening to us. Yet, the truth is, it is we who are the meaning makers and we who react. We do not have to live a life that is happening to us. We can reclaim our lives.
This reclaiming is not about what we change outside of us, but instead our experience within. Our thoughts, our emotions, and our embodied experience (our sense of ourselves in our bodies), are ours. They are in us and of us and from us. Our experience is not caused by our circumstances or the behavior of others. Do these things trigger us? Absolutely. But the trigger is not the cause.
Something happens. Full stop. And I make meaning of it. And I react with thoughts, feelings, and body sensations.
This reclaiming is about taking ownership of my thoughts, emotions and body sensations. "This thing happened, and I am having this thought. I am feeling this feeling, this sensation." Before I try to change this thing, let me pause, and see what is happening within and tend to what is triggered.
Eyes open. A moment of bed-warmth and coming-to. Like a flash in the mind, the list of "what needs to get done" sends a jolt through my system. Notice this thought. Notice the urge to jump up to get started. Pause. Pay attention to what is arising. Ah, yes, there is a belief. Move now or it won't get done. Notice fear with this thought and a tightening stomach, the body wants to jump up and do. Stay with this fear. If it doesn't get done, then what? Others will judge. If other's judge, then what? Unworthy. Unworthiness. Not-good-enoughness. Pause and breathe. Now there is some space. What if getting it all done, right now, today, is not linked to good-enough? Unhook them in body and mind. Freedom. Intention. Do what is critical and possible and leaves room for connection. Be kind and gentle. Remember the resolution to start the day with some meditation. Meditate. Time to stop. Patience. Compassion. Cooperate. Soft tongue. Smiling voice. In the car. No regret. Not this time. Joy.
As a therapist, mother, daughter, partner, and seeker, I am always on the journey toward a more peaceful, authentic life. I hope to share knowledge, insights, and the ongoing unknowns I find along the path...